The Price ISN'T Right!

   Bargains sure aren't a bargain anymore!
  
   Are you sick of getting nickled and dimed on extra fees for every little thing you buy or do these days? I sure am! Take airfare, for instance. DMan and I have been looking into taking a trip to Las Vegas in the spring as our Christmas present to each other. Being the thrifty shopper he is, DMan has been tracking airfares on Allegiant and saw this weekend that we could get tickets for $75 per person, each way, down $30 from several weeks ago. $150 apiece to fly to Vegas, Baby? "Let's book it," I said. 
   Not so quick, Allegiant said. They had a zillion pop-up questions before we could book the trip, and each one had a fee attached:

** Carry-on bag? That'll be $32 each. (I said, "Screw a carry-on bag, you can't fit anything much in that stupid overhead compartment anyway!")

** Checked bag? Cough up $50 each. (Had to say "Yes" to that. A gal can't wear the same outfit for three days in Vegas, now can she?)

** Want to sit together on the plane? Pay Allegiant $38 each. (This wasn't even really a choice, as DMan had already picked out the least-likely-to-die-if-we-crash seats with extra leg room since he's 6'5" and I am terrified to fly since I haven't been on a plane since 1983. I figure this was worth the money because if I'm going to puke on someone, it might as well be DMan. Don't want to piss off some stranger sitting next to me in case I have to use them as a body pillow if we crash. Plus, we already agreed to pay to take luggage, so he will have a change of clothes.)

** Want trip-flex insurance in case your plans change? Cha-ching, $37 more per person please. (I said, "Hell no." DMan said, "But, honey, what if . . . ?" DMan was paying the bill, so he won.)

** Want priority boarding like a rock star? Only $10 each. (These are dinky planes, people, not freaking jumbo jets, and the less time I'm on that thing, the better! I'll take my chances on boarding behind some slow poke and be a rock star in my own mind for free.)

   Allegiant was SO GENEROUS to let us stow one bag under the seat in front of us for FREE. The examples they gave were a purse or laptop case. So I'm going to bring the biggest purse I own, and DMan is going to bring a laptop case. With no computer in it. I asked him why, and he said, "Because it's free, so I'm going to bring it." Take that Allegiant!
   We got through the pop-ups, then came all the "hidden fees" in the total bill: Federal Excise Tax $13.36, Segment Fees $16, PFC $18 (WTF is PFC?!), September 11 Security Fee $22.40, and Carrier Usage Charge $52. Then, believe it or not, Allegiant tried to charge another $32 just to pay for the whopper of a bill with a credit card!! DMan put his foot down at that and hauled out the debit card he never EVER uses. So our $150 bargain airfare now came to $335.88 each! And I'll bet they don't even serve free liquor on that flight to settle my nerves and help me forget about how much putting my life in danger just to get to Vegas was costing us!!

   Probably not a good move on our part, but later that day we got online to order tickets to see the Ozark Mountain Daredevils at the Gillioz Theater's New Year's Eve bash. Again, DMan was being a smart shopper and had found us two seats directly behind the $100/person seats for only $64 each. Coolies, we're gonna have a New Year's Eve date night! But uh huh, you guessed it. The charges started adding up. Not only was there a $6 each ticket fee -- you only sell TICKETS, right Gillioz? Now you're going to charge us a fee for the actual tickets? UGH! -- but they also charged $2 each for a "delivery fee" regardless of whether you printed your own emailed tickets, did will call, or had them mailed. I told DMan, "Let them mail the damn tickets to us. At least we'll get 49 cents worth of the delivery fee for the stamp." I am sticking it to you, Gillioz, and it feels good!

Is everyone drunk but me?

   Driving around the past two days, I have witnessed:

* an SUV drive straight through the intersection of Fremont and Primrose in a right-turn only lane and nearly ram the other cars out of their way, then take up two lanes while trying to make a left-hand turn;

* a car driving down National in the pitch dark with no headlights on;

* a fancy Escalade tooling down Battlefield at a whopping 20 miles per hour with traffic backed up forever behind it;

* and a lady LOOKING RIGHT AT ME DRIVING TOWARDS HER as she pulls out onto Battlefield in front of me and I have to slam on my brakes!

   Seriously, is everyone in Springfield drunk these days but me?! They sure drive like they are. I have been on Prednisone for the past week trying to kick bronchitis, so I can't get a buzz on even if I tried. Maybe if I could, my nerves wouldn't be so jangled from running some simple errands.
   Come on, folks, do your cocktailing at home and pay attention when you are on the road! Thank you.  

Kim of Queens

   I finally found a reality show I LOVE, and the Lifetime network cancels the damn series just after the third season got going! Kim of Queens combines some of my favorite things -- Southern speak, chic, and attitude PLUS tiaras -- into one fabulous hour of viewing that goes by way too quick. Have you seen it? If not, the show features Kim Gravel, a former Miss Georgia, who owns The Pageant Place outside Atlanta and molds young ladies into becoming pageant queens. Miss Kim is one hundred percent a HOOT! When that gal speaks her mind, Georgia-style, while batting those inch-long lashes over her ice blue eyes, she can get anyone to do anything, including getting some of the least pageant-inclined girls to not only compete but many times take home the crown. And talented? Lordy, when she sings it comes out in a quirky cocktail of soul, opera, and gospel that gives me goosebumps. No wonder she was one of the youngest Miss Georgias in pageant history!

Kim Gravel, the queen maker

   Kim gets help at The Pageant Place from her sister Allisyn and Mama Jo. While Kim is definitely queenly, Allisyn is more of a bar-room hussy with style. I want to party with Allisyn! She cracks me up, always getting Kim into sticky situations and then claiming it's not her fault. Mama Jo is often the go-between, very sweet and proper, but she has a razor-sharp tongue that doesn't let things slide by. These three coach some beautiful and talented young ladies with big personalities -- I think I love Addison the best, she is a spitfire! -- and sometimes cray-cray mothers. I will miss them all!

   In Kim of Queens there are no naked people left to survive on their own in the woods, no over-stylized pawn shop family screaming at each other nonstop, and no exotic bugs or road-kill cuisine being served up for supper. This show is just about a little Southern family business trying to make the world a little more beautiful one pageant at a time by helping the contestants find their inner beauty and letting it shine out. Oh, and throw in a bit of diva drama, some family squabbles, a few bat-crap crazy pageant mothers living vicariously through their daughters, and Kim having a conniption when one of her girls wants to clog for their talent. (Kim HATES clogging!) Tell me, how can reality TV get any better than that?!
   Bring back KIM of Queens, I'm begging you! At least the Lifetime network is still showing reruns for now so they don't have Dance Moms on 24/7. I HATE THAT STUPID SHOW!

http://www.mylifetime.com/shows/kim-of-queens/video/season-2/episode-7/kim-visits-a-pig-farm

     

   

Blessed and Frustrated!

   Today is a two-fer, a rant and a rave. First the rave: Whenever I am in a big group of people, like I was yesterday at Cajun Days, I realize how blessed I am! Even though I hurt every day, whether from being hit by a pickup truck when I was walking my dog in the 1980s or just from getting older (heaven forbid that other people my age feel this bad!), I feel blessed that I can still move my body and do most everything I need and want to do. Yesterday I saw a man, probably only in his 20s, with a hump on his back that made him walk like an old man. It was obviously a struggle for him just to get around. Another man, also young looking, had a noticeable limp and difficulty navigating the uneven ground at the event grounds. An older lady moved around the booths very slowly pushing her seated walker with a cup holder and bench for her bags, but she was there and having a good time. These were just a few of the folks I saw with mobility issues on one particular day. It made me appreciate what I CAN still do and remind myself to quit whining about my piddly aches and the few things I can no longer do?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EL8e2ujXe8g


   Next the rant: Seems like every time I am out and about doing errands I see some mobility-challenged person struggling with getting around on the city sidewalks! Tell me, what is up with the fucuckta sidewalks in Springfield?? They are either incomplete, torn up, or under construction no matter what part of town I am in. And these folks on Jazzy scooters or in wheelchairs have to risk their lives dodging out in traffic or backtrack for blocks to get around the sorry-state-of-sidewalks in this town. I get so angry and frustrated and I don't know what to do to make the situation better! If the City of Springfield can spend so much money on bike paths around town, they should be able to do a much better job to make an easier time for people that REALLY have to get around on wheels! 
   What do you think?  

Come on Springfield, bike paths are great but it's time to take care of the sidewalks
 for those who have no choice but to wheel around! 

Today's Rant: Eat something, please!

   I love looking through fashion magazines, especially when I pop home for lunch and can peruse through Vogue or Glamour to take my mind off the craziness of work. But today, the models in the magazines are making me crazy: WHY DO THEY ALL LOOK LIKE HEROIN ADDICTS?! I swear, do the fashion editors and advertisers really think the sunken cheeks, the vacant-looking stares coming out of raccoon eyes, the stringy please-wash-me hair, and the protruding bones will make me want to buy what they are selling? Well let me tell you, they don't. They make me want to quit reading fashion magazines!

Heroin addict before and after.

Recent Gucci ad in Vogue -- doesn't look like much difference does there?

   I'm begging you models everywhere, EAT SOMETHING PLEASE! Give us normal folks something normal to look at!

    

Another Rave: Artsfest 2015

   Artsfest 2015 was FANTASTIC: gorgeous weather, fascinating people and dogs to watch, delicious food and ice cold drinks, talented performers, plus awesome art of all types and price points. If you missed it this year, you missed out!!
   My fave booth was by Barry Reithmeier, the coolest synthesized art (a term I made up because I don't know what else to call it) I've ever seen! He explained that he makes up worlds and structures within those worlds on his computer, then goes in like a photographer and explores and captures images he likes best. If the Big Bang Theory guys were artists, this is the art they would make. I would love to have bought several pieces, but until I win the MegaMillions they are way out of my price range. Couldn't take photos of his art, so here is the website if you're interested in being blown away!

http://www.barryreithmeier.com/Welcome.html

   DMan bought me a funky fun piece from the gallery of William Graham of Hardy, Arkansas. He dubbed it my "peace sun." It's an early birthday present for me and I LOVE IT!
   If you didn't make it out to Artsfest this year, mark your calendar for the first weekend in May 2016!

My "peace sun" -- a birthday present from DMan. Funkadelic!!

A great crowd fills up Walnut Street on a gorgeous day!

A very talented solo performer doing interpretive dance.

Springfield Little Theater's middle school group rocked the performance stage with Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off." Helen, my friend Lisa's daughter, is the dancer on the far right and she really commanded the stage. What a natural performer!

Today's Rave: Grocery shopping can be fun!

   I don't dig the actual food buying -- BORING! -- but the quirky characters I see at the grocery store make shopping entertaining. There was this nice older couple in front of me, the lady had a short, tidy hairdo, and was wearing a floral shirt and capri pants. A very normal looking lady. Then her husband turned toward me, and I nearly gasped. He was a cross between Elvis and Wayne Newton in the flesh! The man's hair was jet black, poofed back pompadour style, with massive lamb chop sideburns. His Hawaiian shirt was unbuttoned almost to the waist, showing off masses of gold chains and medallions, and was tucked into TIGHT jeans with razor creases. I AM NOT KIDDING! I had to get away quick before I laughed out loud.
   Then there is this young hottie stocker guy that I see nearly every shopping trip. His skin is the color of a caramel latte -- he must be a tanning devotee -- which makes his perfect teeth seem whiter than Chiclets. He is buff, Buff, BUFF in his short-sleeved t-shirt and snug Wranglers and looks like a super model, but I swear the dude is the most unfriendly person in the world. If you smile at him, which I try to do to most folks to make the world a friendlier place, he frowns and looks away. I actually asked him a question once, and he barely grunted and walked away. The saying "beauty is only skin deep" is so true, isn't it? Today I looked but avoided him completely.
   Finally, as I was checking out there was this really lovely young woman that had so many piercings in her face she was scary looking. She even had piercings in the middle of both cheeks, and her cheeks were sunk in like she had a bar inside her mouth that stretched between the not-so-small studs. Holy cats, why would someone do that to themselves? It may seem fun now but just wait until you are fighting gravity like I am and those cute little piercing holes become gaping craters sagging all over your face!
   Oh well, the whole world is a show if you pay attention and I am TF (thankful) to this cast of characters for making my shopping more fun!